I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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