how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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