don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
