The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
