you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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