About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
