i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
