Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
