My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
