we have officially lost it.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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