what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
