I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
