Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
