we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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