Who did Billy Mays play for?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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