I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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