i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
