I'm eating all of the evidence.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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