You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
