just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
