Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
