Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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