you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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