i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
