Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
