Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
