My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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