You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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