Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
