Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
