sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
