Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
