My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
