Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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