so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
