i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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