At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
why do cheetos always look like penises
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
