can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
