break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
