i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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