You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
