We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
