I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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