OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
