My underwear smells like fireworks.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
