I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
