just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
