the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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