weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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