If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
