I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
