We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
