How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
