I skipped work to stalk him.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
