it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Randomize
