You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
